Our Little Star – My Miscarriage

hailey gardiner little star mothers day tribute miscarriage 2019 spring new music new song

Happy Mother’s Day!

This is the first mother’s day that I would have celebrated as a mother-to-be.

I wrote my new song, “Little Star”, as a lullaby for our little baby after finding out I was pregnant earlier this year, and this release was planned as the way I’d announced my pregnancy to all of you.

But as we know all too well, things don’t always go according to plan.

Shortly after recording this song, I miscarried.

The lyrics speak of finding peace in quiet moments amidst the stress and pressures of life, and I feel that this song is even more special now that it’s dedicated to the baby that we’ve lost.

We know our little star is still shining down on us from the heavens, and though this has been one of the hardest things we have ever gone through, we’ve been blessed to feel an abiding sense of peace and hope throughout this experience.

I have felt the power of the prayers offered on our behalf lifting and carrying me through each day.

And I have felt acutely that Jesus Christ has felt everything that I am going through, every bit of it. He sorrows with me, smiles with me, and has given me the hope and light that I am clinging to.

Nothing we go through is unnecessary.

I’ve learned so much as I’ve come up against new types of pain, grief, and the roller coaster of ups and downs that a first pregnancy and unexpected miscarriage brings. 

One of my biggest takeaways is that nothing we will ever go through in this life is unnecessary!

Heavenly Father allows us to suffer and experience pain so that we can become more like Him and His son, Jesus Christ

This specific experience was necessary for my husband, my family and I to go through for some reason. Despite moments of heartbreak that come and go, I have surprisingly felt very open to this process and curious as to what God’s ultimate purpose is for all of this.

All things work together for our good.

In the past few months, I have read and re-read and tried to memorize every scripture that has to do with “all things working together for our good.”

All things work together for good to them that love God.

Romans 8:28

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us too much to allow us to stay the same. And after going through what I’ve gone through, I will never be the same, which is exactly what this life is designed to do.

To give us experiences that will refine and sanctify us, and to change our natures to become more like God.

This miscarriage has led me to ask questions that I’ve never asked before, to stretch my faith and to exercise it in new ways, and to let go of all of the “fluff” that I used to see as important and to really simplify my life like never before.

Every hard experience is for our good. Somehow, and in some way.

We can be made new.

I’ve felt like God is helping me forge new pieces of armor that I’m going to need in order to battle whatever comes my way in the future. He’s carefully helping me build armor made of solid faith, complete trust, humility, and submission and for that, I’m so grateful.

I know better than I ever have that the Lord knows what He is doing with my life. And yours!

He knows better than we do what will bring us ultimate happiness.

And sometimes that involves letting us go through moments of suffering and disappointment so that our hearts will be softened and our armor will be impenetrable when we come out on the other side.

To all mothers:

I hope when you listen to “Little Star”, you’ll feel the special spirit that I felt as I wrote and recorded it.

That you’ll remember your own mother who loved and cherished you, even from the time you were in her womb, just like I loved our tiny baby!

And to you mothers who have had miscarriages or lost children – I love you and draw strength from your pure examples of faith.

I know that I can do this because I’m not alone.

We can be hopeful for the future and grateful to be alive each day.

And we can look up at the little stars twinkling in the sky and know that our great God who created the universe is there through it all, shaping and molding us into who He wants us to be.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers- past, future, and present.

Listen to “Little Star”:

Listen on Spotify, Amazon, iTunes, and Google Play.